Coaching Column:
Who Needs A Coach?
When I first stepped into the world of professional effectiveness coaching in 1986, there were only a handful of coaches practicing nationwide. At that time, I used sports metaphors to help audiences understand the application of coaching in a business environment. James challenged my notions of myself, and over time (eight years) I learned to trust him, which means, I learned to listen to him in ways that I had not been able to when we first started. Over time, his compassionate yet challenging approaches gave me greater access to those parts of myself that had to date, remained hidden. He was the first person who demonstrated a commitment to my excellence even when I fought or resisted his guidance, or worse, argued for my limitations. James firmly believed that people can change, and his belief helped me find the courage to step up to bat and play to win in my own life.
As I gradually re-shaped myself around my core values and principles, I began noticing a congruency between the different parts of myself that I had either compartmentalized or ignored. By learning how to recognize and integrate these various parts, from my emotions to my analytic nature, I was able to more confidently present myself as a unified or whole human being. And the learning continues…
Our coaching helped me break the ground to discover and resolve many of the historic wounds (old stories) that had impacted or even directed my choices, both in terms of career and relationships. I learned that I am more than my brain, and that our emotions and body plays a huge role in how we respond or react to people and events. This increased awareness helped me shift my behaviors so that I became more effective monitoring and correcting myself, consistent with my values. I am not saying being coached was always easy but the benefits I reaped certainly helped me accept the obstacles (in myself) I had to overcome.
I wanted to work with people in the same way that James was working with me. I knew that as a human being, I was and continue to be driven by a desire to contribute.
Whether we are seeking to be coached or wanting to coach others, we are aware of and respond to our desire to contribute, to feel like we matter, to cultivate connections with ourselves, others and the community of which we are a part.
Throughout the early 1990’s I continued to advocate and publicize coaching as a way to foster each individual’s talents and strengths, despite the disadvantage that coaching as a profession was new, untried and in many instances, unknown. My job was not simply to find coaching clients, but to keep finding innovative ways to educate audiences about its benefits. Designing my speaking to fit the needs and concerns of different audiences was a marketing nightmare, but one that I continue to undertake because I have seen firsthand how coaching relationships have propelled clients’ learning, dispelled organizational crises and produced specific results for others, that they could not, on their own, produce.
Although the field has grown by leaps and bounds since 1986, and each month, a new crop of coaches are being certified from a variety of coaching programs nationwide/internationally, we still meet the obstacle(s) of validating how our work actually helps individuals and organizations change, and /or achieve specific outcomes.
Sometimes I think of coaching as a puzzle that when put together looks and feels right, but initially makes no sense at all to the observer, who can only see a disparate group of pieces that don’t fit. The beauty of being coached is that as a result of the experience, a person fits more easily, more comfortably and even more competently into his/her life. Who cares about fit? We all do!
I don’t care if you are buying a pair of jeans or hiring a consultant for your business, we always check in with ourselves to insure that the purchase will fit with what we want. We want to look or feel good, we want our relationships at work and at home to work well, we want to know that the effort we are exerting will be recognized by others. We want to fit in to whatever world we hold dear. And when the fit is not right, we know it instantly in our bodies. We’re experts on denying or ignoring a lousy fit, and we love it when the fit is right!
One has the opportunity to find congruency within oneself through coaching. Having our parts fit us, knowing who we are as human beings, as leaders, as supervisors or even parents, helps us make better choices for ourselves and for those for whom we are responsible.
Coaching is not therapy, although your coach may be a trained therapist. Coaching is not career counseling, although the focus of your program may be on helping you get unstuck from your career woes or career rut or even career path to discover and uncover what really matters.
What kinds of results do coaching clients want? We want everything from being able to maintain our desired weight to finding the right life partner. We can be coached on a variety of topics, from office politics, to life purpose. There is no end to the many results we can accomplish when we partner with someone whose commitment to us is based on respect, trust and honesty. Let’s not forget, great coaches not only provide insight and technique, they also provide feedback, the best way to gauge how well your efforts are working.
How do you know if you are a candidate for coaching? Why not take this simple quiz
Do You Need A Coach?
1. Have you spent the past two years (or longer) wondering why you still don’t have the dream relationship? Yes No
2. You want to make changes in your work or home life, but you don’t know where or how to begin? Yes No
3. You feel lonely or isolated in the workplace, even though you consider yourself a decent human being. You want to connect with others but your natural instinct is to hold back. Yes No
4. Do you want greater intimacy with your significant other? Yes No
5. Do you see yourself one way but the general feedback you get from others is often radically different from yours? Yes No
6. Would you like to feel really comfortable with yourself, neither doubting nor belittling your accomplishments? Yes No
7. Have you gotten bored listening to your own complaints? Yes No
8. Would you like to be able to control or modulate your emotions? Especially the negative ones? Yes No
9. Could you use another set of eyes in your business that might see something strategic that you may have missed? Yes No
10. Would you like to set and follow through on some long time goals, and have someone support you to overcome the obstacles you’ll hit? Yes No
11. Are you suffering in silence? The stress of everyday life is usurping the joy and passion you want to feel? Yes No
12. Do you want to make more money, be more productive? Yes No
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need a coach! Call me at 202-484-4747 for a free consultation.
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